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What if the people around you understand your leadership better than you do?
Research from more than one million evaluations reveals that other people may assess a leader’s effectiveness roughly twice as accurately as the leader assesses themselves. In this episode of 90th Percentile Leadership, BreAnne Okoren and Joe Folkman explore how leadership blind spots develop and why closing the gap between your intentions and your impact is one of the most important journeys a leader can take.
You’ll learn how 360-degree feedback can uncover patterns that self-reflection misses, why leaders instinctively resist difficult feedback, and how curiosity can turn an uncomfortable assessment into meaningful growth.
Joe also shares what happens when leaders act on what they learn. Leadership effectiveness improves, employee engagement rises, fewer employees consider quitting, and more people become willing to give extra effort.
The episode concludes with a practical exercise to help you identify your own leadership blind spots and choose one behavior to improve.
BREANNE
The people around you understand your leadership roughly twice as accurately as you understand it yourself.
Not slightly better.
Twice as accurately.
And according to Joe, confronting that gap is the real hero’s journey every leader must take.
In 1949, Joseph Campbell described a pattern he found across myths around the world.
An ordinary person is thrust into an adventure, crosses a threshold into the unknown, faces trials and ordeals, and—with unexpected help along the way—emerges transformed.
George Lucas credited Campbell’s framework as a direct influence on the creation of Star Wars.
But Joe, the leadership version of this journey doesn’t happen in a mythical kingdom or a galaxy far, far away.
JOE
No. It happens in performance reviews, team meetings, and everyday conversations.
For the last five decades, we’ve watched thousands of leaders live out their own version of that journey.
The threshold they must cross is the distance between how they perceive their own effectiveness and how their manager, peers, and direct reports actually experience it.
BREANNE
So there are no dragons. No lightsabers.
Just the horrifying discovery that everyone else may understand your leadership better than you do.
JOE
For some leaders, the dragons might be easier.
BREANNE
Joe, if other people see our leadership twice as accurately as we see it ourselves, I have a slightly uncomfortable question:
Are any of us as self-aware as we think we are?
JOE
Probably not.
That isn’t because leaders are unusually delusional. It is because all of us experience our own leadership from the inside.
We know what we meant to say. We know what we intended to do. We know the pressures influencing our decisions.
Everyone else experiences our leadership from the outside. They only see what we said, what we did, and the effect it had on them.
BREANNE
So we judge ourselves by our intentions.
Everyone else judges us by our impact.
JOE
Exactly.
ON-SCREEN TEXT:
YOUR INTENTIONS ≠ YOUR IMPACT
BREANNE
Welcome to a new season of 90th Percentile Leadership: Insights. Backed by Data. I’m BreAnne Okoren, joined by Joe Folkman. Today we’re beginning with the most difficult leadership challenge of all: seeing yourself clearly.
PART ONE: CROSSING THE THRESHOLD
BREANNE
Some leaders see the 360 report and say, ‘No, thank you. I’m staying home.’ But let’s begin with the data. How did you determine that other people understand our leadership twice as accurately as we understand it ourselves?
JOE
Resisting the journey is part of the journey. But the data is difficult to dismiss.
We analyzed more than one million ratings from other people and approximately 130,000 self-ratings.
We used the combined perspective of an average of 13 raters per leader as the best available benchmark.
Compared with that benchmark, the perceptions of others were approximately twice as accurate as leaders’ self-perceptions.
BREANNE
But one person can misunderstand us or be biased. Why trust outside perspectives?
JOE
One person’s opinion may be incomplete or biased. That is why we do not rely on one person.
When the same message appears across a manager, peers, and direct reports, you begin to see a pattern. One rating may be noise. A pattern is data.
The goal is not to find one perfect interpretation. It is to understand the consistent impact your behavior has on others.
BREANNE
So if one person says I interrupt too much, it may be isolated. If my manager, three peers, and five direct reports all say it, I should probably stop explaining why they’re wrong.
JOE
That would be a good place to begin.
CLIP MOMENT:
JOE
One person’s feedback may be an opinion. A pattern is data.
PART TWO: WHY WE CAN’T SEE OURSELVES
BREANNE
Why are we so bad at evaluating ourselves when we have more information about ourselves than anyone else does?
JOE
We possess more information about ourselves, but it is not necessarily objective information.
We remember that we meant to follow up. Other people remember that we didn’t.
We know we care about employees. They know whether our behavior makes them feel valued.
We believe we welcome disagreement. Our team knows what happens when someone actually disagrees with us.
We often describe ourselves by the values we hold rather than the behaviors we consistently demonstrate.
A leader may value collaboration and still dominate meetings, decide alone, or involve people only after the important choices are made.
ON-SCREEN TEXT:
REFLECTION SHOWS YOUR INTENTIONS.
FEEDBACK REVEALS YOUR IMPACT.
BREANNE
What does resisting the call look like in leadership development?
JOE
It usually sounds like this:
‘They don’t understand the situation.’
‘That person has always been critical of me.’
‘My team doesn’t see everything I’m dealing with.’
‘I had to behave that way to get results.’
There may be truth in those statements. But when context is used to dismiss the entire message, development stops.
BREANNE
What is the difference between thoughtfully questioning feedback and becoming defensive?
JOE
Thoughtful questioning is curious. Defensiveness is focused on disproving the feedback.
A curious leader asks, ‘What might people be seeing that I don’t?’
A defensive leader asks, ‘How can I explain why they are wrong?’
BREANNE
Leaders do not have to enjoy difficult feedback. Surprise, disappointment, and frustration are normal. The critical issue is what happens next.
Do you look for patterns, ask for examples, and choose a behavior to improve?
Or do you spend your energy building a case against the people who gave it?
BREANNE
Organizations have administered countless assessments that later disappear into a drawer. Does feedback actually change behavior?
JOE
Feedback by itself does not guarantee change.
But when leaders understand it, choose an important behavior, and sustain their effort, the outcomes are significant.
In our research, 85% of leaders meaningfully improved at least one targeted behavior. Most also improved their overall leadership effectiveness within 18 months.
BREANNE
That is the leader’s improvement. What happens to the people working for them?
JOE
That may be the most important part.
As leaders improved, employee engagement rose from the 52nd to the 67th percentile.
Direct reports considering quitting fell from 25% to 19%.
And those willing to give extra effort increased from 36% to 50%.
JOE
Exactly. Leadership development is sometimes treated like an executive perk, but the greatest value often goes to the people that leader affects every day.
When a leader listens better, communicates clearly, follows through, builds trust, or develops others, the whole team benefits.
THE 90TH PERCENTILE PRACTICE
BREANNE
Today’s practice is simple—but it may not be comfortable.
Choose three people who experience your leadership from different perspectives: a manager, a peer, and someone you lead.
BREANNE
Do not explain, defend, or correct their answer.
Listen.
Ask for an example if you need one.
Thank them.
Then look across the three conversations for a pattern and choose one behavior to test.
Joe, what should someone say if they believe the feedback is completely wrong?
JOE
Start with: ‘Thank you. I want to think about that.’
You do not have to agree immediately. Stay open long enough to determine whether the message contains something important.
BREANNE
One opinion may be noise.
A pattern is data.
BREANNE
After studying leaders for more than five decades, do you think the best leaders ever complete this journey?
JOE
No. Expectations change. The environment changes. The people around them change. And the leader changes.
The real heroes are not leaders who reach a point where they no longer need feedback.
They are the ones who keep having the courage to look.
BREANNE
The people around you may understand your leadership better than you do.
That is uncomfortable—but it is also an advantage.
If this episode gave you something to think about, follow 90th Percentile Leadership: Insights. Backed by Data—and share it with a leader courageous enough to look in the mirror.
We’ll see you next time.
JOE
Thanks for listening.
