Decoding Boss Feedback: How to Navigate Criticism and Thrive

Suppose you’re a customer service manager and you’re getting chewed out by your boss, the head of customer service. He’s heard from a key customer who’s unhappy about answers he’s received to a request for product modifications. Naturally, he’s not pleased to be on that end of the call. He probably hasn’t made any inquiries into what might have gone wrong. Nevertheless, he assumes it’s your fault, that you’ve treated the customer poorly and now have seriously damaged the company’s relationship with him.

You don’t agree. From your perspective, the feedback is wrong and unfair. But your boss is clearly agitated. What’s the best way to handle the situation? Preparation.

We suggest several steps to manage boss feedback:

1. Don’t react immediately. Certainly don’t erupt or summarily reject the feedback.  Assume that there will be a follow-up meeting for which you’ll be fully prepared to respond, but don’t even think about doing that at this moment. Act as calmly and respectfully as you can.  Nothing is gained by showing anger or escalating the issue even more.

2. Assume that your boss has good intentions and wants to be helpful. That may or may not actually be true, but it’s the right place to start.

3. Make certain you fully understand the feedback being offered. To do this:

• Ask several questions that show you want to understand.  This could include questions asking for more details like “Can you tell me what you understand I did or said?” or “What were the customer’s concerns that you think I failed to see?”
• Try to determine what underlying beliefs, assumptions, and longstanding perceptions might be on  your boss’s mind that are contributing to his current concern.  Ask something like: “What did you assume led me to give the customer that answer?”
• Ask for examples, illustrations, or ideas about how this situation could have been better handled.  You might ask, for instance, “In hindsight, what would have been a better way to handle that customer request?” or simply “How might you have handled it?”
• Try to find examples of what went well, to create some balance in the discussion. “Based on what you’ve heard, were there any positive aspects in the way the customer complaint was handled?”
• Quickly acknowledge any areas in which you agree with the feedback you’ve received — that’s always helpful in any negotiation or confrontation.  “In hindsight,” you might say, “I probably should have made it clearer that we could have made the requested product modifications but not in the time-frame they were requesting.  I’m not sure the customer understood that.”
• Probe for any deeper messages that may underlie the feedback.  “I want to be certain I’m hearing the message you want to convey correctly and completely. Do you think that I’m generally not very customer focused?  Or was it specifically this one event with this specific customer that you are concerned about?”
• Convey that you appreciate the feedback and that you’d like some time to process this particular message.  “Thanks for taking the time to pass on this feedback.  There were some things that happened and that the customer said that you might find useful to know, but now probably isn’t the best time.  Let’s set up a time to talk about this further; I’ll get on your calendar in a couple days.”
• Seek permission to confer with others whose perspective and involvement might shed more light on what the executive wanted to convey. “I’d like to talk with some others on the sales force to see if they think we’re being too rigid or not accommodating to special customer requests.”
• Confer with a friend to test how valid the feedback is.  Maybe the problem is you, after all. Ask your confidant/friend to be totally honest with you.  Indicate that you want to understand your blindspots.

4. At the follow-up meeting:

• Recap the message you heard, focusing on the underlying message.
• Indicate what you plan to do as a result (if anything).

5. If you find in the end that the problem is with the boss and not you, shake it off. Don’t let the bad or inappropriate feedback destroy your own confidence or your desire to perform well in the future. If you made a mistake, learn from it. If you acted correctly, you know you’ve done your best.

The Effect of Boss Feedback on Committment 

Poor feedback and coaching skills can have a dramatic, negative impact in an organization. How negative? The graph below shows the relationship between managers’ coaching skills and the impact that has on their employees’ level of commitment to the organization. (These conclusions come from evaluating nearly a quarter of a million subordinates’ ratings of their managers.)  To say the better a boss is at coaching, the more committed the subordinates is a wild understatement, as the relationship goes beyond linear to exponential:

But that doesn’t tell the entire story. It isn’t just bad and baseless feedback that creates this level of disengagement.  Ultimately, it’s how such feedback is received and processed that matters. If subordinates can be inoculated against poor advice and taught how to effectively deal with it, much damage can be avoided.

Clearly every organization would rather have two-thirds of its employees feeling high levels of engagement than only two in a hundred. Improving the way feedback is delivered is one powerful way to get there. But it’s just as important to train people on the receiving end how to behave effectively when the boss doesn’t.

-Jack Zenger and Joe Folkman